The LORD is my light and my salvation—
whom shall I fear?
The LORD is the stronghold of my life—
of whom shall I be afraid?
When the wicked advance against me
to devour[a] me,
it is my enemies and my foes
who will stumble and fall.
Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.
Psalm 27: 1-3
Stumbling and Falling
Did you ever think you could be praising God for stumbling and falling?
I know that sounds ridiculous, but I have been doing just that since early February when I returned home from weeks in three hospitals. I found out I had a brain lesion that was bleeding into the pons area of the brain. I also found out just how serious a situation that actually was. Apparently, if one is to have brain metastasis from kidney cancer, the pons is the last place one would want it to take up residence (is there really a good place in the brain for cancer, she asks innocently???).
So there it was: added to the cancer mets in the lungs, the lymph glands, the mediastinum, and the anterior acetabulum hip bone...now there was cancer in the brain.
I kinda like my brain. I relied heavily on it throughout my life. Perhaps too heavily, I now realize. You see, I relied more on my brain, my wit, my wisdom, than I did on God.
Cancer taught me to rely on God when I was told I would most likely die on the table during my first surgery (kidney cancer: kidney removal) almost seven years ago. Chalk up one for a little less brain reliance and more God dependence.
Cancer taught me to rely on God when I was diagnosed with two more cancers: thyroid and sarcoma. Chalk up two and three opportunities to rely less on my brain and depend more on God.
And then came the “biggie.” Cancer in the brain. Cancer in the part of the brain that dictates most of what makes us human, what makes us function.
Apparently, the brain lesion had been bleeding for about three months. As is typical when relying on brain wisdom rather than God truth, I plowed through two of those months ignoring my symptoms. I even mentioned to my oncologist that it “was as if a switch had gone off in my brain.” Of course, when he suggested an MRI, I said no.
That’s what you get when you rely on your brain: FEAR-based decisions.
When I ended up in three hospitals after a month of vomiting whenever I lifted my head off the pillow...after a month of not being able to brush my teeth because I couldn’t keep anything in my mouth...after a month of not eating one morsel of food or water...it finally became obvious even to me...
This stubborn, fearful, controlling person was alive ONLY because of the grace and mercy of God.
He had protected me, covered me with His love, despite-or maybe because of-my stupidity.
Chalk up number four in the Opportunity to Know the Truth department!
I felt so loved, so protected.
So grateful.
God had kept me alive for a purpose, for a divine reason that is still almost completely unknown to me.
Except for this: To share with you the significance of praising God for stumbling and falling.
When I returned home from the hospitals, I was very weak from weeks of inactivity, from very limited nutrition, and from my body fighting all the invader cells that have taken up residence. A friend visited me and told me about watching a television minister she loves and respects. This minister read Psalm 27:2 and declared she had had revelation during meditation that this verse was a direct reference to cancer.
“When the wicked advance against me to devour me, it is my enemies and my foes who will stumble and fall.”
When cancer cells would try to increase in order to devour my healthy body tissue, they would HAVE to stumble and fall!
This was God’s word to us. This was God’s promise to us. This was God’s purpose for us...for us to be more than conquerors...for us to have the strength to do all things through Him.
I spent much of my life arguing, with people, with ideas, with my own brain-created thoughts.
I DON’T argue with God.
So, I started praising God.
For protecting me.
For loving me.
For His Word.
And His Word said that the cancer cells in my body were stumbling and falling.
And so I praise Him, for His Word, for His Truth.
And for the cancer cells stumbling and falling.
What is attacking you? Is it a thought wrought with fear? Is it pain in your body or your heart? Is it illness? Is it lack?
Whatever it may be, stop worrying and start praising. Praise with confidence that what God has declared, He is able to deliver. Praise with faith that in God’s perfect timing there will be tangible results.
Praise God for stumbling and falling. Whenever a fearful thought takes control of your brain, praise God that the (insert fearful thought here) is stumbling and falling.
And then wait...in Truth...in Peace...in Love...in Confidence...in Hopeful Expectation...in God.
..........................
By the way, I had scans the end of March. After three months of treatment that did not work (this treatment ended in December)... after another three months of no treatment because I needed to rebuild my body after the brain bleed...
The radiology report stated there was SIGNIFICANT REDUCTION in all mets!!
The oncologist was confused.
He is a man of science.
I am blessed.
I am a child of God.
Sue is no longer with us here on earth but she won her battle with kidney cancer by the way she lived her life and so willingly shared her journey with the kidney cancer community. She was an inspiration to us all. She will live on in the hearts of those who knew and loved her.
